Minimally Ambitious

Originally published at a denizen's entertainment. You can comment here or there.

The problem, ultimately, isn't that I've failed to live up to society's messed-up standards. Not to downplay the damage a lifetime of negative signalling can wreak on an ego. Or the abusive nature of the system itself. 

But on some level, the reason I find it so easy to hate myself is that I see a version of me, whom I wish I resembled more, and who never seems to be all that terribly far out of reach...yet persistently eludes my attempts to live that way.

She has more self-control and discipline. She's fitter because of that, and more emotionally stable to others. She doesn't give up as easily as I do. She's more compassionate. She spends less time on verbose blathering when trying to make a point. And she's one hell of a lot more secure in herself. Her adaptability is an asset, not a pathological behavior.

It doesn't seem so difficult, yet I consistently fail to be this person.